What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 02:37
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
What can I say to a scammer who thinks he loves me, but I don't want to be scammed?
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I waited trembling.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
How do I become mentally strong?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I will be 64.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Rangers Place Tyler Mahle On 15-Day Injured List, Recall Kumar Rocker - MLB Trade Rumors
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
This is soul school!.
All the time i was locked up.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Who then, do I blame.?
I want to have anal sex, but my wife refuses. What do I do?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But ive been too sick for many years..
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
How do you deal with a neighbor stealing?
One cannot live in the past .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
How do teachers justify punishing a student for fighting back against their bullies?
My life is so biszare .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I couldn’t, believe it.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Especially a lifetime of it.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I was seconnd youngest,
What one thing makes someone a very mature person?
He resisted the act ,that day.
But it wasn’t much.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Walking more may lower your risk for chronic low back pain by 23%, study suggests - KSL.com
He knew the spot.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I have no regrets .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I was scared of men, in general
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I don,t even have a pension.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
It was going to be , some day.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I write beautiful poetry .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Ive learnt so much.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Was to survive, this bastard.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
What did i know ?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
My family never makes their pension either.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
She was in good health!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I said to her
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
So, i spoilt her more .
She married twice! .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
(And it was in our own minds.)
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Why did i forgive my father ?
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
When she asked me how she looked .
She wouldn,t have been !
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
We were not on the streets..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
So whats the point in blame.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
She found it foreign!.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I think the readers, may guess!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She loved him until the end.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
And i lived it daily.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Comes on , in middle age.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Would this be the day?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I was very sick at this time too.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Im still living with it.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
We all went to grammer schools
Put me off passion for life!!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I was 9 years of age.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But, we were locked up after school.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.